***BREAKING NEWS***
Dateline Egypt- In an amazing discovery, Westfield Wheelmen owner Anheiser Van Pilsner, on his yearly Thanksgiving pilgrimage to Egypt, has, with the help of his guide discovered alive and very angry the 19th Century umpire thought left for dead back in 1889. In 1889 Albert Spalding organized a world tour of some of the best base ball players and went to, of all places, Egypt in order to promote the game. In the middle of the 4th inning a horiffic sand storm just came out of nowhere and caused a cancelation of the game. Unfortunately the Honorable Vincent Kleese was thought to have been swept away and never returned to America. According to Van Pilsner, Kleese was very well preserved, almost mumified. "The first words out of his mouth was 'they kept calling me four eyes!...I want to get them back'" said Van Pilsner. Van Pilsner went on to say, "I have offered him a position umpring our games at the 'Shire...he will certainly be an attraction...just the thing we need."
